Fear & Loathing On The Spirit Path

This is one of those articles where I tell you a spiritual lesson I learned the hard way – by making a boneheaded mistake 🙂

Ready? Ok… here we go.

A few years ago, I was prancing along through the wildflower meadows of life when out of nowhere, storm clouds appeared.

The sky darkened. The birds stopped chirping. The bees stopped buzzing.

The nectar of life that flowed so abundantly just moments before was now leaving my body. My trusty inner compass that always pointed true north stared back at me, its needle spinning around lazily in a circle of doom.

I was suddenly lost. Not the exotic kind of lost, like finding yourself in the middle of nowhere in the Amazon. This felt like emptiness.

I’d lost my will to move. Everything that had led me to this very moment in time seemed to have abandoned me.

How did this happen?

I spent the next few months working with different ceremonies and somatic techniques, backtracking through soul terrain. I guess the goal was to figure out my last known location and triangulate in on where I might have veered down a wrong path.

I was in a sweat lodge, hosted by my friend Leaf (Shawnee Pipe Carrier and all around good guy) when the answers began to reveal themselves.

In the darkness and smothering heat, a transmission came through that sounded something like this:

I had gotten too comfortable in my current pattern of existence and had begun to play life too safely.

I had begun to resist the unknown – a total Buddhist no no.

In doing so, I had broken a pact that I’d made with the universe – and myself – over a decade ago.

The pact I had made was a commitment to a life of service. Aimed at ending suffering of self, of family, of community.

And I’d made good on that pact for quite a while. I’d worked my butt off for over a decade to create a beautiful community around ancient medicine and spiritual evolution. But once it had finally manifested, I tricked myself into thinking I deserved a little breather from the hardship.

I started clinging to the pursuit of permanent happiness and safety. As if that’s actually a thing.

This subtle posture of avoidance destabilized me and all it took was a little unexpected weather on a sunny day to topple me headlong into the abyss. Which is where I found myself, tumbling and fumbling for a foothold. Or a parachute.

The sweat lodge transmission concludes with the final takeaway:

When this path is walked without deviation, a silver thread pulls us forward, guiding us through the unknown waters that lie ahead. An endless reservoir of resources miraculously makes itself available. (If you’re reading close, this is the easter egg —> Folks ask me how I’ve built this platform and all these films, books etc… this is how.)

The tough part is that the path does sometimes lead you into the unknown. And you have to be comfortable with that.

The other doozy is that getting too attached to the safety of a nearby harbor or desert oasis can send you into an existential tailspin. As I learned the hard way.

Within a week of learning this hard-earned lesson, I’d turned my ship back into the storm. I started moving outside the comfort zone again, taking on slightly scary projects aimed at making a sizable social impact.

And guess what? My trusty compass began working again. And along with it, some new gauges began to light up on the inner dashboard. For real.

So… why am I telling you all this?

Because I am you. And you are me.

If you ever feel lost – know that you are not alone.

And never forget this sacred trio for times of crisis:

• Seek out ceremony (whatever tradition feels right to you, but choose one!)
• Make friends with the meditation cushion
• Remember the majesty of your breath

Stay curious,

Nick Polizzi
Founder of The Sacred Science